“Whatever You Do, It Will Be Wrong”

“Whatever You Do, It Will Be Wrong”, imagine a young hockey player with a mindset like that?

Oh, there will be some people out there that will automatically say that’s a horrible attitude and that’s on the athlete to change that perspective and mindset, but what if it were true. What if the athlete was right?

What if they had a parent or coach that no matter what or how they performed would blatantly criticize every single thing the player would do? Could you imagine waking up in the morning and realizing, “no matter what I do, it’s going to be wrong, even if I do it right.”

Could you imagine how some players feel heading to the rink or stepping on the ice every single day when they have that as their “support” system.

“Oh, that can’t be, not in this day and age. You see players that have dealt with that won’t say shit about their experiences because of hockey’s code, but deep down they know, anyone in that dressing room knows it.

Every player might not experience the same level of that feeling, but you can bet your ass they feel differing degrees of it.

There’s tough or hardnosed coaching philosophies and holding people accountable, everyone admits the game has changed and so have “today’s” players, but some archaic ways or styles of coaching still exist, a matter of fact they’re thriving which shouldn’t be the case. Again, it’s perfectly ok to demand perfection, or try to reach for that level, I know that it’s not all sunshine and rainbows, I completely understand that, but to be relentlessly harassing and brutally criticizing a players every move while providing zero guidance, support, reinforcement, constructive criticism or any inkling of positivity is just wrong on so many levels.

From a coaching perspective this goes beyond, “it’s their way or the highway” words and phrases like ‘throwback’ or ‘old school approach’ get thrown out there when referring to this style of coaching, but that’s all bull shit to. When players feel like they can’t do anything right no matter what, it tears apart their confidence and passion for the game. They become a shell of themselves.

What’s worse, seeing a player lose their confidence or witnessing them lose their passion and the enjoyment of playing game, the game should be fun at any level.

It’s hard to believe that in this day and age, there are still some hockey coaches and parents that berate, belittle and constantly criticize their players and kids on the way to and from the rink or in tournaments settings between games. You might not hear or see the horror stories, but that doesn’t mean it’s not happening.

We all see the game differently. Our own unique experiences within it shape our understanding and perspective of it and what those roles and experiences should be or what we think they should be or represent.

Hiding behind the labels or cover up culture or the archaic code of silence revolving around horrendous coaching and parenting styles when it comes to the game of hockey is wrong and I think the vast majority of hockey people would agree with that.

Reflecting back on my experiences, I’m just so fortunate and grateful to have amazing parents and coaches during my years within the game.

I’ve come to accept that isn’t always the case for everyone and that young players to this day are struggling with overbearing, yelling “know it all’s” as parents and coaches.

No young player should ever feel like whatever they do, it will be wrong.

The resiliency of “today’s” athletes should be celebrated, not harshly criticized. Their experiences in the game have and continue to be vastly unique and in some cases very damaging especially when whatever they do, it will be wrong.