Communication, Transparency and Truth

Obviously, coaches are telling players what they want and expect from them…….right?

Recently, I had a coach reach out discussing the entitlement some young players possess these days. One of their major concerns was centered around the lack of effort and resiliency displayed by some players.

“What are they giving us,” asked the coach. That’s a great question isn’t it.  

“Things aren’t and shouldn’t be always given, they (some players) think they deserve to be in a top 6 role just because, they don’t want to work for it or anything,” the coach went on to say.

“What are they giving to us?,” stressed the coach.

Being a coach isn’t easy, it’s incredibly difficult to navigate relationships and connect with kids, but that’s what the job entails in this day and age. Each and every player has a role to play and hopefully is coming to the rink willing to listen, buy in and want to get better. In saying that, let’s hope the player understands what’s expected of them right off the hop so that they can deliver the goods so to speak.

Some coaches are quick to define roles for players, some deserving, some not so much, but do young players or players at any level for that matter know exactly what is expected from them as a person and a player?

You’re probably thinking come on now, every player should know exactly what is expected of them because they have experienced the game at a high level, but you would be surprised. You see, it all goes back to communication, transparency and truth.

A Failure to Communicate

It all starts with communication. To say it’s lacking right now within the game would be the understatement of the century.

The lines of communication within the game are blurred at best. They become almost nonexistent as players and their families move up the ladder.

You would think coaching and the communication factor would drastically improve in the hierarchical aspect of the game, it doesn’t which is hard to imagine.

From what I have heard from different sources over the last eight years or so, is that the communication between coach and player is worst now than it’s ever been.

Archaic “old school” messaging isn’t working, if anything it’s causing the complete opposite results the “coaches” or “the powers that be” are looking or searching for.

Again, that goes back to the question, “what do you want from me?”

More and more players feel like they are being left in the dark when it comes to every aspect of the game and their role within it due in large part to the messaging of the coach.

What About transparency?

How many times can you be beaten down and still manage to get up? How many times can you get stepped on when you’re down and fight to live another day because you know you’re right?Hour after hour. Day after day. Month after month. Year after year. You try to put a brave face on and push on, knowing who you are, but not knowing what they want, expect or how to please them. It’s never good enough, they always want more.

You learn to how to walk on pins and needles and tip toe around the conflict, but there’s no place to hide, when you get singled out, called out, yelled at and demeaned.

You’re told repeatedly that you are the problem. They never look in the mirror, they never see the damage, hurt, pain or potential damage. Some things are just too hard to admit. You’re told why repeatedly, even though you have done nothing wrong.

“Why don’t you toughen up.”

“This is going to make you a better player and stronger person.”

“This kind of stuff builds resiliency and character.”

“This is going to make you a man.” 

“Keep going.” Why are some people still playing head games? Do head games really work for every athlete or person? What about resiliency? What about self-concept and self-esteem? What are we really teaching kids and athletes in 2023-2024 by using head games?  What toll do head games have on players and more importantly the individual?

Have coaches lost the skills necessary to inspire and empower?

As coaches, we have all at one time or other tried to reach, inspire or motivate. We have used all the tricks in the books even head games to get our point across, but do we really know the impact of our words and actions, do we really know the after effect of our actions?

Sources over the last eight years or so continue to report that there is zero transparency when it comes to the coach/player dynamic in the game today.

Believe it or not, it’s worse as they ascend throughout the game. No one dares to say anything because of the dynamic and hockey’s hierarchy and cultural climate. In many cases coaches try to send messages without communicating directly or being transparent.

Kids today need to know exactly where they stand, exactly what is expected of them in order for them to buy in.

 You can disagree all you want with that, but that’s the climate we live in. You see, coaches are probably hesitant to be transparent because they’re fearful of the reaction or onslaught of complaints that might come from “opening” things up. On the other hand, some coaches completely and utterly ignore “today’s climate and athlete” and do just about whatever the hell they want because it’s their way or the highway mentality.

That perspective widens the gap between the coach/player dynamic which can potentially be bridged. As that gap widens throughout the season the lack of transparency and trust that should be there in any healthy professional relationship becomes fractured beyond repair.

“You Can’t Handle the Truth”

“You can’t handle the truth.” Who can’t handle the truth? The player and their family or the coach?

There’s a big difference between constructive criticism, head games and the silent treatment, but what about the truth. Could you imagine, if coaches or those in positions of power told players and their families the truth.

What if hockey people were more honest, more up front, would there be less controversy or more? What if the hockey world became more understanding of everyone involved? What if they took the time to talk with young up and coming players throughout the entire process? What if they didn’t make empty unattainable promises?

What if they created challenging yet fair guidelines surrounding player performance during training camp and the entire season? What if they involved the player in self-assessment strategies, performance expectations and video work during the season rather than keeping everything locked up like a Brinks truck?

Hell, every hockey team nowadays have more than enough staff to conduct debriefings with players, if they aren’t doing this there’s something radically wrong.

I’m not saying it should all be sunshine and rainbows, but I believe the player should know exactly where they stand, they should be given multiple reasons why they’re not playing or reaching performance standards and they should be given certain aspects and clear guidelines to work on to improve moving forward. Obviously, players and their families shouldn’t be promised anything.

Hockey people that make promises are the reason why so many people hate the game of hockey and hate the “political” side of the game. In the sporting world, it’s hard to keep promises, there’s just too many variables, too much uncertainty.

Games played. Power play time. Penalty kill time. Time on ice. Even strength time on ice. End of game scenarios. The list is endless. Preferential treatment and making promises eliminates team dynamics, it eradicates character and pride.

You could have a ton of players that show great promise, but they will never live up to it because they are playing in non-transparent conditions and in an environment where the truth isn’t shared and if it is, when the player works on all of the aspects discussed they are never given a fair shake and a chance to prove themselves.

Whatever happened to earning your ice time?

Whatever happened to upward mobility within the line up if deserved?

Whatever happened to being honest and telling the truth?

What about being authentic?

Some hockey people try to be honest and up front, but they get burned. Once they get burned, they become callused to the personal side of the game. Deep down they try to be honest and authentic, but they don’t reveal that quality near enough because of the perception that it might cause.

You see that’s the business side, some hockey people hide behind the business side because it’s easier to make the real tough decisions. Imagine being transparent enough to make those decisions, to have the incredibly difficult discussions openly and being honest and truthful to every single kid on the roster.

What if, the player knows exactly where they stand?

Imagine a player knowing exactly what’s at stake, but truly having a stake in the game.

What a difference that would make in the coach/player dynamic!

There’s a massive difference between promises and earning trust.

There’s a massive difference between entitlement and role identity.

A culture of promises breeds individuality and selfishness. Promises don’t belong in the game of hockey, authenticity does. What if hockey people were more authentic?

Unfortunately, that may never happen because of the perception out there that they will be weak and get burnt or be taken advantage of. Dishonesty or authenticity, what if hockey people and the collective hockey world shifted its focus, shifted its mindset, what a difference that would and could make to everyone involved!

If everyone was authentic, there wouldn’t be any confusion about what the coach wants, everyone would know exactly where they stand, the expectations, their identity and role on the team.

Communication, transparency and the truth, that’s what players and their families want, what do coaches want from the player?